Tone Deaf

I have recently taken on a new role at work, which involves me to write emails to my clients, sending them information to keep them up to date with the trips they have selected. As a person who chooses their words very carefully, I find myself reading and re-reading my drafts a lot, even taking to writing the email in word, leaving it overnight and then re-reading it again in the morning. I consistently worry that I'm coming across as angry when I'm sending a reminder, or passive when I'm pressing someone for something. The "sleep on it" method works fairly well, but it takes so much time. I started having my co-worker read my emails before I send them (if I'm unsure of how it reads), which brought me to make a very interesting observation. The tone they read the message in was not my intended tone, but their interpretation of my tone. Putting emphasis on words differently, even stressing syllables in ways I hadn't even thought, giving the email a moderately irate tone. Curious, I took it to another co-worker to have them read it. Sure enough, the voice they used was, again different from mine, but also different from the other co-worker, making it seem as if the message had more of a "if you want to, but you don't have to" tone. Intriguing. This pushed me to try my experiment with one other form of communication. I harp on texting all the time, but this is only because it drives me up the wall. It's useful for sending quick messages, updates and "I'm thinking of you" thoughts, but is not a substitute for a real conversation. It's a passive method of communication that leaves a lot to the imagination, and more to interpretation than saying what you mean. For example: The one word text message. What would you hear if I sent you "No"? What about "No."? Or "no"? "No!"? "no."? Focus on the voice your brain reads the words in. Is it your voice, my voice,or a completely dissociation voice? Are they angry? Are they pushy? Are they upset or alright with your question? The first "No" reads to me as if the person is beginning a thought, and may follow with more information, while the second sounds very final, almost forceful. Looking to the third "no", it's almost as if there's a shrug as to the importance of the answer, as it is undeserving of an eye catching capital. I have friends who are notorious for sending one word text messages, and it makes me increasingly frustrated, especially when I have just sent them a complete thought. When you have 151+ characters, and you choose to use only two, I can't help but feel like you're being lazy, or that my message is wasting your time. Written language is based on details and elaboration to make up for the absence of verbal tone, facial expression and gestures. Without it, you leave people hanging. But - then there is the flip side. There is such a thing as too much detail in a text message. I had an experience once where I was broken up with in a rather lengthy text message. I wasn't, and still am unsure if I was more upset at being broken up with, or being broken up with in a text. There were many details, of which I will not divulge, but needless to say it would have been better spoken than read. That is the one and only time I've thrown my phone down a hallway. I had no idea of her tone, or the speed at which it was intended to be read at, but I powered through it, feeling my heart being ripped out with her thumbs. Her imagined voice in my head was belittling and full of blame. Messages like that, while they can be organized, feel cowardly, taking the onus off the individual to explain themselves while the other can react, replacing it with the send button. I ended up calling her the next day (once I was feeling less upset), to find the tone she intended was not condescending and had less blame than I had read. It all made sense, finally. I could hear what she meant. The middle ground of written communication is simple - Don't think too much. We cannot predict how people will react to what we say. Instead, we need to do our best to explain what we mean as clearly as we can, and when we don't understand, we ask. It's better to ask someone what they mean, than to assume what they intended. No one likes having words put in their mouth. Though we can imagine how people sound, it takes less time and less pain to simply say it in your own voice. Don't be afraid to speak for yourself - your little black brick can only say so much.