Punctuation.

As of late, I have been finding it harder and harder to understand people when they're typing. I say typing and not talking, because talking involves the conveyance of emotion and intention via tone and body language, where as typing is only the words. I do my best when contacting people via text, email or status, to make what I'm saying clear through the proper use of punctuation.

 However, I do not seem to get the same in return. A lot of times I'm left without information about a sentence and have to fill in the blanks myself, which is not always a good thing to do. I do my best not to grade my friends' ability to text, but this plight keeps getting greater and greater.

 There are two main types of punctuation style in texting and online messaging:

Type 1. The Overzealous Punctuator    - Someone who is prone to over or improper use of punctuation. The Overzealous Punctuator is an enthusiastic comma flinger with a propensity to use "..." or "!!!" at the end of sentences. Sometimes a combination of exclamation marks and question marks will be used to convey surprise.

 Here are a few rules for using multiple punctuation: 1. In proper English, it is incorrect to use more than one form of punctuation beside itself unless otherwise clarified by your English major brother or friends. As a compromise, as popular media has adopted the use of this abomination, limit the number of points to 3. More than 3 is excessive and trigger happy. Two is just unsettling.

 Eg. I) "I passed my exam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sweet damn, the exclamation marks are longer than the sentence. Yes, that's exciting, but you also have an exam tomorrow. I sure hope you don't write essays this way.
II) "So good!!"
I feel like I'm at the grocery store and you didn't give me the right amount of change...

2. The use of "..." is a form of hesitation. In proper citation, it signifies that there's more information beyond that sentence. If you are not hesitating, don't hesitate. It makes you seem suspicious.

 Eg. I) "Have a good day..."
What do you mean? Is there some reason you know which would cause me to not have a good day? Why don't you just tell me!

 II) "I like you..."
Oh god, is there a but? She/he didn't say but, but they didn't NOT say but. I feel like there's more that they're not telling me... and now I'm hesitant...

 3. The use of "smiley faces" has developed into a form of punctuation in and of itself. Please be sure that you are using the proper face for the emotion you're conveying. Limit the number of faces you use to no more than 2 smily faces per message. 
Eg. I) "I can't believe you would say something like that :o You're so mean >:( I kinda hope you wont do that again cause I still really like you :*( Please call me? :)
I feel like I just read a comic strip where the plot goes pretty well nowhere.

Type 2. The Absent Punctuator    - Someone who does not use punctuation at all. The Absent Punctuator is not a careless person, they've just developed a bad habit that leaves electronic conversations left wanting. The sheer underuse of punctuation makes elementary school teachers cry.

A few rules for not using punctuation:

 1. When you don't punctuate, it leaves the sentence open, almost like walking to the edge of a cliff and having to wonder if you're going to just keep walking right off the edge. Close your damn sentences so we know if it's a question or a statement.

 Eg. I) "Thanks yeah"
 Is there another message coming? Do they mean "Thanks, yeah!" or "Thanks, Yeah?" or "Thank you", just putting 'yeah' where 'you' should be?

 2. Think of commas as breaths. When you're reading a sentence and if feels too long, there should probably be a comma in there somewhere. Let your reader breathe.

Eg. I) I just don't know how I should feel about this you know because they really should talk to me if they have something to say but they wont say what it is that's on their mind so I'm just left hanging and I don't know what to do about this all.
I wouldn't talk to you either if you actually spoke like this. I feel like I'm getting hypoxic just reading this.

3. Just use punctuation. It makes you look smarter on the internet and makes me judge you less. It changes EVERYTHING. 

I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I put in an effort. Both of these plague our planet's wireless communications. The physical art of written language is slowly dying due to the convenience of spell and grammar checking programs. I beg of you, for the sake of the children of the future, keep punctuation alive.